my last birthday present

that day

i received a book from my dearest friend

she is my friend since i was 10

and now i am 20

well yeah...

it has been 10 years we have seen each other

thank you, Da for the perfect present!

she gave me this

Motivasi Menjadi Wanita Paling Bahagia

by Dr 'Aidh Abdullah Al-Qarni

the book is AWESOME!!!

i really want to suggest it to any of the girls, woman, ladies

out there to reach out and read the book!

really!!

it will not be a waste, u know!

the book really teach me to think differently of the way i see the world

and the way i feel.

every words is based on concrete proofs from Al-Quran or quoted from al-Hadith itself

a blog about the book

http://pustakaiman.blogspot.com/2011/01/motivasi-menjadi-wanita-paling-bahagia.html

next time i will update more about the book

i still halfway through the book and can't wait to catch the final page!

that day

i received a book from my dearest friend

she is my friend since i was 10

and now i am 20

well yeah...

it has been 10 years we have seen each other

thank you, Da for the perfect present!

she gave me this

Motivasi Menjadi Wanita Paling Bahagia

by Dr 'Aidh Abdullah Al-Qarni

the book is AWESOME!!!

i really want to suggest it to any of the girls, woman, ladies

out there to each out and read the book!

really!!

it will not be a waste, u know!

the book really teach me to think differently of the way i see the world

and the way i feel.

every words is based on concrete proofs from Al-Quran or quoted from al-Hadith itself

a blog about the book

http://pustakaiman.blogspot.com/2011/01/motivasi-menjadi-wanita-paling-bahagia.html

next time i will update more about the book

i still halfway through the book and can't wait to catch the final page!

self pondering

i am pondering myself

curing myself

light-cured, self-cured

about several things during these few CRAZY-OUS weeks

seriously....

too much hectic, 

the tense is always in the air during the day

but the air will quickly dissolves when the sun sets..

unique, is it?

ok! let's get serious...

i am currently doing my first complete denture on the phantom head

my very first patient..tqvm!

i really don't wanna complain much about this

well, this is the bread and butter of mine in the future, right?

insyaAllah....

but what i really wanna talk about is about the story behind the "haruk pikuk kehidupan itu"

when i do the working and all the hand-skills polishing things

few things that i notice are

the true colours of people are flowing out from every corners, no matters how hard they try to cover those things 

i really do not say that the colours are not that nice

some are really nice and beautiful

but some....hm....not so nice that i tried to ignore and stay away from

when we do the works

actually we are simultaneouly practising our everyday-life-skills that we have

as for me, i am not someone that will hold firm my stand to others

enough if only me and HIM and few people know about it

i prefer not to win, if that will make others happy...

but these everyday-life-skills will eventually become our habits

and if the habits is to always take over others

to always look down on people

to always be the dictators one...

as time goes on...

i think we will self-develop into the Julius Caesar,Kim Jong Il,Mussolini...

or perhaps Hitler???

a reminder to me future self and people around me

we are not perfect...

the last perfect on Earth is our Last Prophet, NABI MUHAMMAD SAW

and we are not 100% pure

we are in fact, full of sins and dirt each days..

hence, 

let's give this a thought

look around us, we are surrounding by THINGS

not only human, 

there's also insects

birds

pencils

water

trees

clothes

air

bla bla bla...

hence, we are not alone

we have to adapt well with these things, these elements

we have to be in homeostatics environment with them!

imagine what will happen if water hate us..?

Water will stay reaaallll away from us

we will be reaaalllly dehydrated

and mind, human can only survive 3 days without water..

hence eventually, with only 3 days... we die....

people are unique in their own ways

each one is wayyy different from the others

hence, let's just be friends with everyone

stop look down on others

we are neither superior nor inferior to them

if they are the types of loves-to-win-in-everything

let them win, so that you can keep your relationship ok

and you are doing good job, you are keeping their heart healthy

athough yours a bit scratchy...it's ok... time heals everything

insyaAllah

stop be loudly comparative

competition is ok

but keep that in yourself only, please

mentioning about that will either psycho other people

or maybe you, yourself become a psycho

due to the answers you receive is a mere nodding

that's why 

to estimate your working quality or the progressions

simply do a little, silent observations on others

without them knowing

this is safer, and will keep your heart healthier

insyaAllah

HENCE!!!

let's give these few things a thought, ATHIRAH AZIZ!!!!

it is not a waste to use your brain sometimes...haha

hm!

time to sleep !

Assalamualaikum!

photo source>>http://nazarekalhor.blogspot.com/2011_04_17_archive.html

Syeikh Ahmad Izzah Al-Andalusi and Adolf Ruberto

Suatu petang, di Penjara tempat tahanan orang-orang di situ terasa hening mencengkam. Jeneral Adolf Roberto, penguasa penjara yang terkenal bengis, sedang memeriksa setiap kamar tahanan.

Apabila beliau melalui setiap sel, kesemua banduan penjara terus membongkokkan badan mereka serendah-rendahnya ketika penguasa penjara itu melintasi di hadapan mereka. Kerana kalau tidak, sepatu boot keras milik tuan Roberto itu akan mendarat di wajah mereka. Ketika melalui satu sel telinga Roberto terdengar suara seseorang sedang mengalunkan ayat-ayat yang amat ia benci apabila mendengarnya “Hai orang tua bodoh… hentikan bacaanmu itu yang sungguh menjengkelkan.. Hentikan… !” Teriak Roberto sekeras-kerasnya sambil membelalakkan mata. Namun apa yang terjadi? Lelaki dikamar tahanan tadi tetap saja bersenandung dengan khusyuknya.

Roberto bertambah berang. Pemimpin penjara itu menghampiri kamar tahanan yang luasnya tak lebih sekadar cukup untuk seorang. Dengan marah ia menyemburkan ludahnya ke wajah tua sang tahanan yang kelihatan sangat kurus kering dan kulit yang berkedut sehingga menampakkan rangka tulang dibadannya. Tak puas sampai di situ, ia lalu menyucuh wajah dan seluruh badan orang tua itu dengan rokoknya yang menyala. Sungguh ajaib… Tak terdengar secuit pun keluh kesakitan. Bibir yang pucat kering milik sang tahanan terus melaungkan kata Ya Rabbi, wa ana abduka… Tahanan lain yang menyaksikan kebiadaban itu serentak bertakbir sambil berkata, “Bersabarlah wahai ustaz… InsyaAllah tempatmu di Syurga.”

Melihat kegigihan orang tua yang dipanggil ustaz oleh sesama tahanan, penguasa penjara itu bertambah memuncak marahnya. Ia memerintahkan pegawai penjara untuk membuka sel, dan ditariknya tubuh orang tua itu keras-kerasnya sehingga terjerembab di lantai. “Hai orang tua busuk! Bukankah engkau tahu, aku tidak suka bahasa hinamu itu?! Aku tidak suka apa-apa yang berhubung dengan agamamu! Ketahuilah orang tua dungu, bumi Sepanyol ini kini telah berada dalam kekuasaan bapa kami, Tuhan *** Anda telah membuat aku benci dan geram dengan suara-suara yang seharusnya tidak didengari lagi di sini. Sebagai balasannya engkau akan kubunuh. Kecuali, kalau engkau mahu minta maaf dan masuk agama kami.” Mendengar “khutbah” itu orang tua itu mendongakkan kepala, menatap Roberto dengan tatapan yang tajam dan dingin. Ia lalu berucap,

“Sungguh… aku sangat merindukan kematian, agar aku segera dapat menjumpai kekasihku yang amat kucintai, iaitu Allah. Bila kini aku berada di puncak kebahagiaan karena akan segera menemuiNya, patutkah aku berlutut kepadamu, hai manusia yang terkutuk? Jika aku turuti kemahuanmu, tentu aku termasuk manusia yang amat bodoh.”

Sejurus sahaja kata-kata itu terhenti, sepatu milik Roberto terus mendarat di wajah lelaki tua itu. Tendangan sepatu yang kuat kemuka lelaki tua itu menyebabkan beliau terhuyung hayang. Kemudian jatuh terkapar di lantai penjara dengan wajah berlumuran darah. Ketika itulah dari saku baju penjaranya yang telah lusuh, meluncur sebuah buku kecil. Adolf Roberto terus memungutnya. Namun tangan sang Ustaz telah terlebih dahulu mengambil dan menggenggamnya erat-erat. “Berikan buku itu, hai lelaki tua yang bodoh !” bentak Roberto. “Haram bagi tanganmu yang kafir dan berlumuran dosa untuk menyentuh barang suci ini!”ucap sang ustaz dengan tatapan menghina pada Roberto. Tak ada jalan lain, akhirnya Roberto mengambil jalan paksa untuk mendapatkan buku itu. Sepatu boot seberat dua kilogram itu terus menginjak jari-jari tangan sang ustaz yang telah lemah. Suara gemeretak tulang yang patah terdengar menggetarkan hati.

Namun tidak demikian bagi Roberto. Laki-laki bengis itu malah merasa bangga mendengar gemeretak tulang yang terputus. Bahkan penguasa penjara itu merasa lebih puas lagi ketika melihat titisan darah mengalir dari jari-jari musuhnya yang telah hancur. Setelah tangan tua itu tidak lagi berdaya diangkat, Roberto memungut buku kecil yang membuatnya baran. Perlahan Roberto membuka sampul buku yang telah lusuh. Beliau seakan terpaku melihat buku dan termenung seketika seperti memikirkan sesuatu. “Ah… seperti aku pernah mengenal buku ini. Tetapi bila? Ya, aku pernah mengenal buku ini.”

Suara hati Roberto bertanya-tanya. Perlahan Roberto membuka lembaran pertama itu. Pemuda berumur tiga puluh tahun itu bertambah terkejut tatkala melihat tulisan-tulisan “aneh” dalam buku itu. Rasanya ia pernah mengenal tulisan seperti itu dahulu. Namun, sekarang tak pernah dilihatnya di bumi Sepanyol. Akhirnya Roberto duduk di samping sang ustaz yang sedang melepaskan nafas-nafas terakhirnya. Wajah bengis pemuda kejam itu kini diliputi tanda tanya yang dalam. Mata Roberto rapat terpejam. Ia berusaha keras mengingat peristiwa yang dialaminya sewaktu masih kanak-kanak.

Perlahan, sketsa masa lalu itu tergambar kembali dalam ingatan Roberto. Pemuda itu teringat ketika suatu petang di masa kanak-kanaknya terjadi kekecohan besar di negeri tempat kelahirannya ini. Petang itu ia melihat peristiwa yang mengerikan di tempat para tawanan menjalani hukuman (tempat penyiksaan kaum muslimin di Andalusia). Di tempat itu tengah berlangsung pesta darah dan nyawa. Beribu-ribu jiwa tak berdosa gugur di bumi Andalusia. Di hujung kiri kawasan penyiksaan tersebut, beberapa puluh wanita berhijab (jilbab) digantung pada tiang-tiang besi yang terpancang tinggi. Tubuh mereka yang mati tergantung terbuai-buai ditiup angin petang yang kencang, membuat pakaian muslimah yang dikenakan berkibar-kibar di udara.

Sementara, di kawasan tengah, ratusan pemuda Islam dibakar hidup-hidup pada tiang-tiang, hanya karena tidak mahu memasuki agama yang dibawa oleh para penceroboh. Seorang kanak- kanak laki-laki comel dan tampan, berumur sekitar tujuh tahun, malam itu masih berdiri tegak di kawasan hukuman telah senyap. Korban-korban kebiadaban itu telah syahid semua. Kanak kanak comel itu melimpahkan airmatanya menatap sang ibu yang terkulai lemah di tiang gantungan. Perlahan-lahan kanak - kanak itu mendekati tubuh sang ummi yang tak sudah bernyawa, sambil menarik-narik pakaian yang dipakai oleh sang ummi. Sang anak itu berkata dengan suara parau, “Ummi, ummi, mari kita pulang. Hari telah malam. Bukankah ummi telah berjanji malam ini akan mengajariku lagi tentang alif, ba, ta, tsa… .? Ummi, cepat pulang ke rumah ummi… “

Budak kecil itu akhirnya menangis semakin kuat, ketika sang ummi tidak jua menyahut ucapannya. Ia semakin bingung dan takut, tak tahu apa yang harus dibuat . Untuk pulang ke rumah pun ia tak tahu arah. Akhirnya budak itu berteriak memanggil ayahnya, “Abi… Abi… Abi… ” Namun ia segera terhenti berteriak memanggil sang bapa ketika teringat petang kelmarin bapanya diseret dari rumah oleh beberapa orang berseragam. “Hai… siapa kamu?!” jerit segerombolan orang yang tiba-tiba mendekati budak tersebut. “Saya Ahmad Izzah, sedang menunggu Ummi… ” jawabnya memohon belas kasih. “Hah… siapa namamu budak, cuba ulangi!” bentak salah seorang dari mereka. “Saya Ahmad Izzah… ” dia kembali menjawab dengan agak kasar. Tiba-tiba “Plak! sebuah tamparan mendarat di pipi si kecil. “Hai budak… ! Wajahmu cantik tapi namamu hodoh. Aku benci namamu.

Sekarang kutukar namamu dengan nama yang lebih baik. Namamu sekarang Adolf Roberto… Awas! Jangan kau sebut lagi namamu yang buruk itu. Kalau kau sebut lagi nama lamamu itu, nanti akan kubunuh!” ancam laki-laki itu.” Tubuh budak itu mengigil ketakutan sambil berjuraian airmatanya kerana terlalu sedih kerana diperlakukan sebegitu.

Dia hanya menurut ketika gerombolan itu membawanya keluar dari kawasan tempat penyiksaan tawanan Akhirnya budak yang comel itu hidup bersama mereka. Tiba-tiba vRoberto tersedar dari menungannya yang panjang. Pemuda itu melompat ke arah sang tahanan. Secepat kilat dirobeknya baju penjara yang melekat pada tubuh sang ustaz. Ia mencari-cari sesuatu di pusat laki-laki itu. Ketika ia menemukan sebuah tanda hitam ia berteriak histeria, “Abi… Abi… Abi… ” Ia pun menangis keras, tak ubahnya seperti Ahmad Izzah dulu. Fikirannya terus bergelut dengan masa lalunya. Ia masih ingat betul, bahwa buku kecil yang ada di dalam genggamannya adalah Kitab Suci milik bapanya, yang dulu sering dibawa dan dibaca ayahnya ketika hendak menidurkannya. Ia jua ingat betul ayahnya mempunyai tanda hitam pada bahagian pusat.

Pemuda bengis itu terus meraung dan memeluk erat tubuh tua nan lemah. Tampak sekali ada penyesalan yang amat dalam atas tingkah-lakunya selama ini. Lidahnya yang sudah berpuluh-puluh tahun lupa akan Islam, saat itu dengan spontan menyebut, “Abi… aku masih ingat alif, ba, ta, tha… ” Hanya sebatas kata itu yang masih terakam dalam benaknya.

Sang ustaz segera membuka mata ketika merasakan ada titisan hangat yang membasahi wajahnya. Dengan tatapan samar dia masih dapat melihat seseorang yang tadi menyeksanya habis-habisan kini sedang memeluknya. “Tunjuki aku pada jalan yang telah engkau tempuhi Abi, tunjukkan aku pada jalan itu… ” Terdengar suara Roberto meraung sambil memeluk erat bapanya.

Sang ustaz yang telah uzur itu terpaksa menghela nafasnya berkali-kali sebelum dapat berkata-kata, lalu memejamkan matanya. Air matanya pun turut berlinang. Betapa tidak, jika setelah puluhan tahun, ternyata ia masih sempat berjumpa dengan buah hatinya, di tempat ini. Sungguh tak masuk akal. Ini semata-mata bukti kebesaran Allah.

Sang ayah dengan susah payah masih boleh berucap. “Anakku, pergilah engkau ke Mesir. Di sana banyak saudaramu. Katakan saja bahwa engkau kenal dengan Syaikh Abdullah Fattah Ismail Al-Andalusy. Belajarlah engkau di negeri itu,” Setelah selesai berpesan sang ustaz menghembuskan nafas terakhir dengan berbekal kalimah indah “Asyahadu anla IllaahailALlah, wa asyahadu anna Muhammad Rasullullah… . Beliau pergi dengan menemui Ar-Rabbnya dengan tersenyum, setelah sekian lama berjuang dibumi yang fana ini.

Kini Ahmah Izzah telah menjadi seorang alim di Mesir. Seluruh hidupnya dibaktikan untuk agamanya, Islam, sebagai ganti kekafiran yang di masa muda sempat disandangnya. Banyak pemuda Islam dari berbagai penjuru berguru dengannya… 

source: from the notes my friend write in the fb.

picture source>http://vacationinandalusia.blog-hotel.com/

this is my personal reminder

yeah...

this is my personal reminder

but somehow i feel like wanting to share it

1.There are five remedies of heart:

First, read the Quran and understand its meaning

Second, do the night prayer

Third, gather with pious people

Fourth, fast (literally: keep a hungry stomach) regularly

Fifth, do long zikir at night

people always have problems...

hence, if i feel like troubled with sorts of problems...

of friends, classes, exams....

i will rush for this remedies

and insyaAllah...

Allah itu MAHA MENDENGAR

He will listens, when others don't even want to listens to our story

and insyaAllah

we will feel ease at heart.

insyaAllah.

2.this one i got this morning from fb, ilmislam.com

...hm... :)

Aku sayang kamu dengan caraku tersendiri.

Jika mereka memilih untuk kerap bertemu, aku memilih untuk tidak bertemu.

Jika mereka memilih untuk kerap berhubungan, aku memilih untuk tidak berhubungan.

Jika mereka memilih untuk selalu saling mengingati, aku memilih untuk tidak mengingatimu.

Jika memilih untuk saling merindu, aku memilih untuk tidak merinduimu…

Kerana apa pilihanku berbeza dengan mereka???

Kerana engkau belum tentu menjadi milikku.

Aku lebih senang bertemu Pelindungku,

aku lebih suka berhubungan dengan Kekasihku dengan berdoa,

aku lebih suka mengingati Dia yang sering mengingati ku,

aku sayang kamu tapi aku lebih sayang Dia…

Terima kasih kerana memahami caraku. moga Allah redha dengan caraku ini :)

i love you in my own way

If they choose to meet regularly, I choose not to meet you.

If they choose to contact you frequently, I choose not to contact you.

If they choose to always remember each other, I choose not to remember you.

If they choose to miss each other, I choose not to miss you ...

why my choices are so differed from theirs?

because you are not certainly mine 

but i feel better when i am with HIM

i  love to be with HIM by prayers

i love to remember HIM more because HE always remembers me

i love you... but i love HIM more

thank you for your understanding of my way. may Allah bless me and my way.

"Ya ALLAH

jika dia benar untukku,

dekatkan hatinya dgn hatiku,

jika dia bukan milikku,

damaikanlah hatiku dgn

ketentuanMu...."

"YA ALLAH

if he is the one meant for me

make both of our hearts close together

but if he is not meant for me

make my heart feels peace with 

it.."

check this out 

beautiful nikah....

a new view dentistry course have

i'm currently the 2nd year student of UiTM, 

Faculty of Dentistry

insyaAllah

and starting last 3 weeks,

right before we, Malaysians

celebrate Eidul Adha, 

we started entering lab

to start the Operative Dent. or Prosthodontics works

insyaAllah

i'm doing the Prostho things, since i'm in group C

and yeah..i'm doing the dentures for the phantom's heads..

how's that??

freaking eh??

hahahhah...

at first..

i really thought like..

HA??? have i fully, mentally, physically prepared to face these dental works??

ya Allah

have i equipped myself enough to endure those things??

ya Allah...

all these while,

i have been exposed to medical stuff only

and some wax teeth carving works last year

but despite all, 

lab really meant blood, bacteria, tumors

necrosis, thrombosis and all we can see during lab works

but in DENTAL lab....

it means different

you can see these....

at first

i was wondering..

how on earth could I manage all these things....

all the appliances, materials, vaseline, flame, wax...everything!

then pop!

the very first day

we had our Prostho demo

and we are instructed to start the work the very same day

let's not waste the time!

oh yeah...

and with little knowledge we had during the demo sessions and lectures

we began the works

to produce the first impression 

in order to  

produce the phantom's head's (should be my patients-to-be, insyaAllah )

dentures.

you know

looking at those appliances for the first time

i re-remembered my fear i used to have during the childhood

whenever there were the dental visit by the hospital 

to my school

and when the class monitors

were at the front

with the green dental cards in their gasps

and when all eyes fixed on the cards

and he was mumbling about the visit

slowly, i would wish

that MY card was not there

and i didn't need to see the dentist

man....

it's freaking scary when i had to march to the sick bay 

when i received  card

to have my teeth rechecked

but i think i still remembered the first time,when

i encountered the real dentist

haha

well i could only saw her eyes, right?

she was wearing mask at the time

her face was so calm and she was wearing spectacles

but i could say

she was a beautiful woman

for her eyes is so brightly shining when she saw me

freaking cold on the dental chair

i guessed she was smiling at the time

haha

and now

i think i want to be like her

insyaAllah

for her smiling eyes that day

eased my heart

and

put me in peace.

InsyaAllah. 

p/s: let's register haji at Lembaga Tabung Haji.thirah baru je daftar td,
tp.... turn insyaAllah, 2043...
so jom daftar cepat2! (^.^)

light the candle for me

ya Allah...this feeling is so beautiful...

yesterday waas my birthday

yet

i think i feel happy and blessed and touched till the morning of the day after

for one thing

i didn't received many wishes

only from the people that's really closed to me

and their reminds of my day were enough for me

from my mother

she told me that she had reminded that this 25/10 was my birthday

and she had reminded herself to give me text on the day
many days before yesterday

like the many years before

and i was so touched 

from my father

he wishes me "Happy Birthday"

haha

he is a tough guy

and funny and soft

and i think i was so shocked to hear those words

this is the first time....

for i couldn't recall him telling me any birthday wishes before

and he asked me if i have had any cakes

hahaha

from my little brother

he was working and sleeping

when i called him

then sleepily he told me happy birthday

and i expect  him to forget about it hours later

when he's at home

but then,

he later, posted on my wall

the birthday wish

my classmate and those very closed friends of mine

sang me happy birthday song in lecture hall

i have been an anti-sosial recluse
not so closed to people

and i knew the feeling of being ignored 

and having only few(1 or 2) closed friends

but

here, 

i got 9 closed friends

soooooooooo mannnnyyyyyy

and Alyaa was the first to wish me happy birthday

and so funny when they debated among themselves of my birthday dates...

haha

it was okay

unforgivable

and the last ones.....

were my 2 really closed friends at school

one is in Cardiff now

u know, i got 2 simcard

one for celcom, another for maxis

when she called me

i was using my celcom no to call my father

and yeah, soon after i changed the simcard

i received a message

and it stated that a +6044.........

had tried to call me 4 times...

means 4 miscalls la kan...

and then i guessed she had class after it

(it was 9 pm,Malaysia, for Cardiff,3 pm)

that only later, she posted a birthday wish

on my fb wall

the another closed friend is the one, currently at Uitm Puncak Alam

i was so happy to receive her wish

and we had been re-in-touch after years, recently

in the old school, we both were the most unpopular kids there

sitting in class with all the big2 prefects, debaters, teachers pets

made us so tiny

but i thought we supported each other that time

and that's enough for me,

and they both are currently furthering pharmacy

hm... this is the closing day for my 1st 20th day of my life

but all i can conclude is that 

this birthday proved to me that

i can be happy and thankful with what i have

i don't need plenty wishes

and then i forget who tell me the wishes

but i only need those wishes from people i concern the most

 and i know they concern about me the same way around

and yet

the classes, yesterday was until 5 pm

and i had my presentation with a friend about a research report

(that's rare....i used to avoid social attention, u know.. and i DID presentation yesterday....oh..yeah..)

for my wishes...

1. i wish i meet him(my future hubby), next year,on my birthday...

which i hadn't meet yesterday...it's ok

2. i wish to have happy graduation day this 2015, insyaAllah

3. i wish i loss some kg

4. i wish for my parents and grandmas to have longevity that they can be

both at my graduation and wedding days

5. i wish to eat cake on my birthday and out enjoy myself, next years, on my birthdays

(it's ok, my friend gave me chocolate with a strawberry shape, yesterday...a good replacement....homemade, yummy one)

that's all i think

and last,

this birthday gave me only one word

SPECIAL

i will be 20 in 5 days....

before 

i made a small wish in my heart....

"i wish to meet my future husband on my birthday 

when i turn 20,insyaAllah..."

but now i know deep in my heart

the wish somehow is a mistake

somehow i know that i shouldn't have made the wish

it's never become a truth!

nothing will happen on my birthday!

NOTHING!!

why??

because

the people i was, is, used to waiting for

will always never know my presence

and they always look passed me

how i know this??

because i always hope for wrong people

and 

i learn A LOT from them

and now...

i know.....

on my birthday

i will repeat the same routines that i do everyday

wear the same baju kurung

same shoes

same class

same nasi

same lauk

same nescafe(.....erk! i can't laeve my coffee)

same umbrella

same routes

same same same same

!!!!!!!!!

it's not that i am not 

thankful with everything i have for now ( i don't want to be like Shrek in Shrek forever after)

but i wish

i have something different 

since i'm turning 20

however....

where's the big deal??

20 is just a number

same as 19, 18, 17,16

all is the same.

last..

i hope i meet my train friend again

it's been a long time since we last and first meet together

insyaAllah....

stress and my way

too many to chase, too many to have, too many to become.........huh..........

sometimes i do asked myself.... am i really become what i want to be like??? am i satisfied with everything i did up to now?? am i REALLY happy with myself...........??

the truth is....           I'M TIRED.

repeatedly do the same things everyday...take the same route, eat the same nasi and lauk, drink the same coffee..??(man...i can't leave my coffee alone)

and yes.... this post is about how i was and am stress with my situations and how i handle it.

i was so stress one day and i was battling with myself about my future.
that day, when i called my mother to ask her if she really has blessed me when i decided to take dentistry, she, at first questioned me why i didn't take teaching course like she did and become a teacher like her. and then, when i was nearly at tears, she said that she bless me with whatever i do... the way she said it as if, she had made up her mind to let me be independent and opened up a way for me to breath on my own, and to slowly let go of her tight grisp on me.. thank you, MOK. and now, i did feeling like a little breather.

see...??
for me, when i was stress at the time, i really feel like talking and wanting to clearly solve it. ASAP!
and yes! talking with the very people we have the "unsettle things" with, would really helpful..
ah..yes...i talked with my brother as well. he is not new to my course field, and i thought, maybe he can give me couple of advices....HOWEVER! this is MY advice....
1. avoid talking with oldest BRO that you know, deep in his heart, take little care of you.
2. his only piece of advice he can give you is, quit it, and get married! DAMN!!(as if he is a married man himself)

but all problems begin with our inconsistence and imbalance in life, right..??.everything must live in harmony and homeostasis.hence, it is best, to detect the problems early and solve it quickly....somehow, the problems is within us, and the solutions may also be within us as well.

p/s: good luck to my sister for her coming career as the junior engineer. wish you the best for the work!

Kehidupan Dan Cinta | iluvislam.com + discover the beauty of islam

Kehidupan Dan Cinta | iluvislam.com + discover the beauty of islam

i miss my home

the works, the lectures, books.......all are driving me crazy.......
i want to go home! know what..i nearly buy flight ticket to Kelantan for the next weekend, the last few day ....but then, when i thought back about that, huh.....i will have 4 HOURS pbsm(like red crescent class) next weeknd and the immunisation days i have is approximately 2 days class, which is also equal to 4 HOURS!!!!!!

erg!!! if i'm to board the flight, then i will have to come to every single class for the rest of the semester...and if i fail to do so...i will have to retake the course.and i am in my last part of this pbsm course! oh....i really don't want to extend this class.........especially when i have two big exams next semester!

and now...i only wish that there will be sometimes off the other week, which will allow me to hop in the flight, return to Kelantan and hop in again before class the next monday morning by bus.....

P/s: i hope my batch's dinner plan this 13/11 will work and there will be no more obstacles for us... hopefully the dinner will be ok and fine! amin...insyaAllah....

the past hectic days

the few days before, i could say, the life is quite busy... with all the notes to be completed, the English oral test, MRCS registrations, the module test....all.........huh.... i am soooo exhausted.

last Saturday however, i made some time off to see my old friend. we are friends like since.... 10 years now... talking to her, laughing, asking her things...i felt like she is having kind of hard life now.. from her story, she has no close friends in the place she is studying. but she seems so relaxed and maybe she's used to this kind of situation.

for a girl, teenagers whatsoever, they loves to have someone or FRIEND/s to accompany them anywhere they go. it is quite normal to see couple of girls walking together, having nice chats, eating together, all that stuff...because, girls loooovvveee companions. for a girl, no matter how much she wants to be independent, she will still look up to somebody she can put the trust on when she is having problems.

i have couple of friends that is quiet in behavior. they are not that shy2 girl...or mute girls that can't speak to the public, just that they think their voice is low in volume and they are practically not used to speak a lot, among their family, whatsoever....for me, MAYBE they just don't know well about how to communicate nicely with other people. me myself, don't really know that skills...interpersonal skill, because, i always end up hurting someone feelings at the end of the day.but i do believe that their point of view and ideas are always the best when they point that out...because, they are the types of people that OBSERVE people, not do all the talking, playing stuff...in other words they are judging you and examining you... haha..... i love them! because, when i have problems and i told them about it, their solutions is simply the best! well...they have known the situations, right....

hence, for people like me, we will always be the kind of girls that seems to belong to a group of girls, but is actually, belong nowhere in the society. we mainly live for Allah and ourselves. sometimes, i believe that these girls may feel like an empty girl, no friends to chat with, to share stories, to argue with, to eat together...all that. but actually, sometimes there is a relieve and thankful feeling deep in our hearts that we thank Allah, for always be there for us... even though everyone seems to ignore us.

this entry is not to condemn any girls group, anyone in particular, but i made this entry to entertain my friends that always do stuff alone and also want to remind myself that although i am alone, i should be thankful that i have Allah beside me, watching over me and guiding me...Alhamdulillah.....InsyaAllah........ ^^

p/s: i'm working on a short story...finally! but only can do it bit by bit on my ipod...but yeah! i really want to finish the story and i want to be a writer! when i finish, i will post it up! but...hm...a matter of time... hehe..^^

the long-ago friendly time is here!

i gonna catch my bus in few hours,

for the trip to 

my long-ago, missed college, campus, faculty, friends, laughter, tears and memories...

i hope the new semesters will gonna be 

fairly ok for me, 

that i can properly breath there...

i hope my new roommate will be ok

having me in the same room as she is in

i hope the study group plan 

we have come out with together 

will be working

i hope me myself have stopped the pointless 

dreams and 

be a grown adult myself

i hope the new campus in sungai buloh will finish 

constructions in another few months

that we all can have better facilities with lots of smiling faces

i hope the study will be much better this time

i hope there will be no more cat-calling 

i hope the people that may have teased me before 

have graduated and 

we never meet

again

i hope to meet no harm during these coming semesters

INSYAALLAH

AMIN

(^___^)

the open house is ended....

fuh............
serius lega gler.... buat kerja non-stop, imagine, going to and fro around the same house for hundreds of time, carrying this, that, refilling this, that....washing this, that.....seriously....!!!! penat gler!

dah la ak x packing menda lgi baju2 nk bwk g shah alam....bilik, insyaAllah kawan ak dah secure sebuah kat kolej, sbilik ngan dia...tp...... ak x decide ag nk bwk ape.... maybe sebab nnt insyaAllah, kami akan pindah kampus kan....so mls la nk bwk brg byk2... buat nyemak je...haha...

i gave sms to few of the closed friends but the one that attended, sorang je... haha... alhamdulillah.... at least, ade gak kwn ak wat mai... since many of my friends already at their universities, some even has started the classes, so i already can expect this.... and some of my friends feel rather shy to be at my home. maybe, because, they never come to my house, and having no friends to come with and so on....well, i say nothing about that, since it is their choice to come or go at their will, right??

despite that i slept late last night, watching Good Luck(another jdrama), i still managed to wake around 6.30am to pray Subuh, then took a short nap, and later woke up again around 8.30 am today...haha....quite an achievement! \^.^/

there are lots of works to do...and yeah, the meals of the day was Sup Daging(meat soup), sayur goreng(fried vege), budu(fish sauce)***a must for the Kelantanese and Terengganunian, varieties of ulam (fresh vege as a side dish, eat by dipping it into budu**** yummy! ^^ ), fried salted fish, fresh watermelon, sauced fried chicken,and sunquick juice with ice!

really! i must say, next time, if my father say that the family will hold another event like this, we really need to buy another set of knives, glasses, spoons, and budu! the noises when the events begin(when the rombongan dari masjid arrived...), ya Allah, so loud, full of orders and clicking of tray dishes being carrying around to serve the orang dari masjid...well, they are my fathers' friends and i think my father is quite famous there, so nothing big when my father said, only a few will come from the mosque, but the reality is that!so many people came and we became outnumbered!!! seriously...the dishes...the people...the cars...my.........ai ai...

know what?
we began around 2.45 pm and already, around 4 pm, the main dish(the Sup Daging and the Ayam berempah) is done! and another around of cookings need to be done.... imagine, we are sooooo  exhausted! even me, for a few minutes, laid back on my bed, while waiting for the toilet turns to take wudu' to preform Asar prayer, i could have fallen asleep! and i reminded y'all, THIS IS AN AMONG-FAMILY-AND-FRIENDS-HARI-RAYA FEAST!!!, not the big2 feast like wedding, or so...

the event is best... but!...i think would be even better if my younger bro could be here....he is in Kuala Nerang..his class already started...pity eh...

p/s: i wish i have taken some time off to snap around....but...huh...... i rather chose rest than snap snap  :p  ... and yeah...not that i have a good camera... hahaha..........

the weekend is gonna be over

finally, this gonna be my last week of before-becoming-a-senior break.. this saturday, i will return to Shah Alam to continue the semester.

throughout this small break, there's a lot of things that i have been through. some were ugliest thing i ever went through, but some...i must say..the BEST ever thing i have been through since the day i was born (erk....??)

truthfully, i am still a teen, (still have couple of days, before i become a -ty...i mean.. twenty, thirty,  so and so...), hence, it should really be reasonable that i played kids-games, watch cartoons, and act like a small kid jerk!...haha... but i am glad that i have my little brother that always support me and play along with me in my acting as a small kid jerk! but maaf la cad...ak sokmo ketuk mu...haha... :p

this holiday, i experienced lots of things:
1. i am supposed to go to umrah, but instead, i don't go there at the last minute since, i had to attend to an exam. hence, after i am myself loath my self for the choice i made, i made up a conclusion. ATHIRAH AZIZ must never make an hesitate decision! never do something that will make me regret later! and also...ATHIRAH AZIZ will finish the dental surgery degree and later will start travelling. focus one thing on one time only.my priority now is STUDY!
2. i realise that i prefer public transport and bicycle the most. and i am scared-to-the-death to drive a car or a motorcycle. haha...how i discover this?? i was in a bus on the way to KL central. i talked to a lady there and i came to a thinking. 'this oba-chan this old, still she enjoyed travelling with a bus, she seemed so familiar there' and also, once when i was on the way to klia to catch my plane to kelantan, i talked with a carefree woman...she worked as a nasi lemak seller...she owned a business of that, passed from her late mother to her. she said that she had used the public transport since....don't know..maybe she get used to ride ones and never rememner when she was in fond of it... also i must say, sometime i do hate public transport, especially if there is too much people in it, too crowded. but i enjoy watching people's behaviours, their talking, their lives story, their opinion on something, their explanations....i just love to listen to my low-sound mp music, while i observe their behavioral..simple as that! and i hate to drive own cars or motorcycle...why?? because i hate to be the driver but i love to be the back seater, get my hand out of car-windows and feel the air...know what, that's why i love cycling. when the air rush pass me, i feel the chill and and invisible air.. i love the air! we can't see it but we feel it.the same way as the love and the hatred.
3. i am a broken-hearted girl. as i said, love and hatred are something like air, we can't see it, but it was there, those that keep us alive. well, by texts, fb, pm, ym...all that...we just know that the people we are waiting for must have someone else beside us, right?? i just know it! haha... woman's instinct is just the best instinct, right?? especially if the woman is an october-born woman. i must say, i pray for you both happiness and hopefully your plan to marry her asap works the way you want.
4. now the 2 people i was hoping for, have somebody beside them..there's no point i wait for them anymore...that's why i said earlier, the after-this period of my life is fully-contented with my study, insyaAllah.
5. i now know the meaning of laughing when you feel like crying, for i have experienced the thing. like a fist-like stone got struck in your throat, that you can neither gulp down it or vomit it out. it is painful on both way. however, finally, i choose to swallow it. now i think my digestion system may have been on the final edge of squashing it that sometime i feel like crying, sometime, i feel nothing.
6. i made a weird decision again.. :p
bile thirah rs mcm thirah nk lupakan something about something, thirah will avoid things connected to that somethings. what finished is finish! thirah rs kalau thirah bt benda tu and thirah rs nnt thirah akan nyesal atau x senang hati, atau nt thirah rs sedih, thirah will choose not to do it.orang kata better not than sorry kan..thirah akan start sayang kan diri thirah sdiri. i need to be more mature! i must! let bygone be bygone k, thirah!
7. broken friendship with a girl is more pahit than boy...maybe sebab kami used to be best friends, but since the last day we met, there's no more texts from her, no calls, no fb pm, nothing... sorry to say, thirah dah jump to a decision. i'm sorry, for the bad terms we had.thirah mntak maaf sgt kalau slame kita kawan, thirah bt kamu trase..thirah bt kamu kecewa ngan thirah...thirah th, thirah byk wat benda ngarut... tp this is thirah... i'm sorry... thirah pun thu, mesti kamu pun dah x nk exchange text ngan thirah, x nk kol thirah..thirah rs of all things that happen, this gonna be the best things for us. i am sorry kamu. and goodbye, kamu, my best friend and my old memories. for me, you going away from me is like the old memories are going away from me as well. i know the fact that when i decide this, some other people will decide the same thing to me, but i think i will not regret, insyaAllah. we have to move forward and i decide to. again, goodbye to you all and to old memories. and let's keep this friendship as a mere friendship only.

hence, this is my update of what i want to tell the world, my readers(if there's any) and letters of posts to my future childs, grandchilds, great grandchilds, great great grandchilds and so on... haha... at least, when they ask me, "tok wan, masa tok wan kecik2 dulu, tok wan macam mana eh???"..then as an oba-chan, have no energy to move the hands,phalanges and to talk all that, i can give them this blog's address. to read the life memoirs of ATHIRAH AZIZ. insyaAllah... (n.n)

p/s: ipod game of Japan Life!...so hard to find even one neighbour!!!!!!!! argh!!! however, the game is one of my ipod's favourite games now... (^.^)

i am a gurl after all!!!

i love watching jdrama and asian movies!!!!!!!! especially Boss, Yuusha Yoshihiko to Maou no Shiro(soooo hilarious! and its currently airing, so can't get hold all the episodes yet... :( and in few days, i will proceed the new semester), Nobuta wo Produce, Atami Sousakan, Boys over Flower, and many others!!!!!! seriously can't wait for the Boss 2 to finish downloading.

i love to see Yamapi acting, Yamada Takayuki... its rare for me to love an actor...well, they are acting when we watch them in drama or MV or movie, hence, its hard to predict their normal behaviour, life, nature, etc....
but, i love to way they acting... for example, Yamapi in Buzzer Beat(BB) and Nobuta wo Produce(NwP), is wayyyy difference. i mean, in BB, Yamapi is more like a man and not-so-spoiled brat, but in NwP, dush! he is a spoiler and ewwwwwwww!!! but i give him a salute, for his acting is the best at the beginning of the drama, but then, i wonder if his jolly-typed of acting become not so jolly and sometimes he become quite normal(which he should be not, in the drama)...he also starring in


i only paste some image of him...since, he loves to wear necklace, earrings and all those accesory, which i don't like...well his acting is good, but his appearance with girl's accesory...hm...i have to say NO!

Yamada Takayuki... i like his hair in Boss(ep 4 and 5, where he is the culprit) and in Yuusha Yoshihiko to Maou no Shiro(YY)..at first, i don't quite recognise him in YY, but then at the beginning of the drama, they introduce the main actor of Yuusha(hero) as Yamada Takayuki...hence, i google it up! and then...they say he's also in Crows Zero 1 and 2, Taiyou no Uta drama, Long Love Letter...and etc... well, i don't prefer fighting scene so much, that's why, i watch no some part of Crows Zero and i skip most of the Crows Zero.. and i don't watch Long Love Letter yet... but the MV on the youtube shows that it's sort of typical-love-argue-loveback drama...haha.. that's why i love hilarious, off-the-brain, mysterious drama most of the time now...




why japanese love accesory so much?????!!!!!!! i mean, if that's agirl, i would say, 'ok...its normal...'
but why boys wear girl's accesory...?????!!!!!! urgh! the 3rd pic from 2nd row is kind of good if Yamada wear only specs...no earring, no necklace......
however, its his freedom right, he is no one to me...except an actor which i love to see in an acting.

Whatever!!!
and for now, i'm in love with piano songs, that's youtube pianist do themselves, and sometimes i listen to bass music. for me, the most best-to-hear music(after the AQ recitation) is piano.. especially when you want to stretch out yourself, to take time for yourself, to read books..etc.. it is calming and yeah, good-to-hear songs.. mostly, i hear Yiruma and the utube celebrity that cover any songs by any bands or singers are good to hear as well. and sometimes, i must say, they cover it up perfectly!