wat do u xpek.....??

abek ko! ari cuti kan....ak bantai tido bes2...haha heaven...no books no jurnals nothing to worry la masa tiso...dah bgn.....adoi! mlm ni kene siap slide utk presentation, mlm ni jugak nk print out repot nk ata time present tuh...adoi....beban2..haha...x la..bes ape ade keje...sebok2...njoy la mggu ni...

wei jom kita tgk jadual ak utk sok ea..

7.30 tepacak kat SAAS utk AGM meeting pbsm

2.00 blik bilik

........ siap keje...usya2 nota senior...

7.00 usarah dlm surau

8.30 studi gp

11.00 ok...bc fiction novel jap..tis time The Attack by Yasmina Khadra

12.00 tidor jap..

12.30 qiam jom!

1.00 tido mati

6.00 pg...dah la...bgn...klas ngan Dr Luay....adush!

hahaha....gile pack...nk g bli snack x sempat wei...that's why abeh je my turn utk presentation ni...ak plan nk cabut nek bas...blik umah...but...bos x kasik la pulak.....ye ae...dah la resuk ri tu teruk thp kelapanan dah...so udah2 la omsik tu woi...dah k thun dah mu duk luar...mcm x bese je...

ok! nk solat a'sar then stat la misi2 n matlamat ak utk abehkan sume keje ni...hahaha....HAPPY!!!!!!!

i am a fragile little girl

yes...i am a fragile little girl...tp sume kata ak kuat...ak leh survive...sume kata ak mcm ni..mcm tu... sedey nye rs ati... ak x kuat mane pun...ak senang nangis ape... keje penat ak nangis, kena marah kat org pun ak nangis, kena tengking pun ak nangis...cume dorang x thu sebab ak x tayang la muka ak nangis kat org...wat ape...Allah dah cukup dah utk ak...Dia dgr sume wat ak nk cter... walau ak x de close friend wat real nyer close..(kak aku jela...knl dri kecik kot...tu pun slalu gusti jgk tu..) tp ak rs...x pe la kot...ak dah epi as i am now...

cume bt mase ni...since this new semester, my life dah jd hectic thp x igt dah..assingmnt timbun2..plus presentation, lab wok..xtra wok dr bg plus revised utk studi gp....bla bla.....hm...sibuk giler kot...ni pun ak br lepas email repot ak ke partner ak utk dia arrange and compile...32 pages..me only!! wat do u think??? gile byk...ak bt menda tu dri hri kamis mggu lepas..smiggu la...

actually skrunk ak rs nk blik...tp since resuk ari tu x bes.. ak kol bos2 ak pun dorang x bg blik..ye la..bek ak duk cn.. bt studi gp + siap sume kijo2.. tp i really need a break rite now! i feel like going to somewhere else la...but where??

x nk g kl...bab ak x nk cri jem roti ke insan2 di jlnn..tp ak nk cri angin...air dan bnd2 hijau..hm... kat mane la ak leh cri kat sni..... gaya mcm nk bekelah kan?? haha..mintak jauh....bab ak x nk g jauh2...within reach je dah cukup...senang nk blik cas mp3...hahaha...

orait! jom sambung bt slide utk present slase ni! wish me luck k!

ok....i am ok.....!!!????

as if it happen just now

result dah kuar...

dah tepampam kat board dentistry

and dah tepampam ak fail....!!!!!!

OK!!!

and I AM NOT OKAY!!!!

malu sgt2..

my other best friends nyer resuk gempak2 kot

huh...ak igt effort ak dah cukup

rupanya x lagi kot

maybe cara ak studi salah kot

maybe cara ak bc nota2 tu salah

maybe after this ak kn spend many more hours reading notes

memorising and all

i am new to this year

and i do not hope for much

i talked with my friend about it

but i see the determination in her

she told me that she want to give herself another chance

another half a year

if it happens to find noway in this faculty

she will quit and get into another course

she is so determined

she says that she has followed her mother's order

about getting into this faculty

and this will be her mom's time to accept her decision to quit science

if only i can tell my family that i feel nothing here

that i want to further math

that i want to be a lecturer

that i don't think dentistry does me good

if only they understand

if only they know how i feel

i am adjusting myself to this environment

am and still

it has been one semester and a quarter

still got 8 semester and third quarter to go and

i have failed the very first test

,\.

boys are idiot! throw rock at them!

i cried when i typed this entry

this week has been too stressful for me maybe

but this one situation

i really

will not forget it all my life

I REALLY HATE ENGINEER STUDENTS!!!!!!!

can you stop the catcalls you did to us girls

i feel humiliated today!!!!!

realllly!!!!!!!!!!

i were alone,okay

from zohor prayer

i went to my level 6 lecture hall and there i saw a big crowd of bays

sitting at the hallway

how do i supposed to walk that way

i am ALONE!!!

so i went up a level

everything is clear

i praised Allah for that

but not for long..........

then there come a big hang over with upper level expose

like a doom there

there are the engineering students hanging around there at the pagar2 tu

to avoid attention

ak just msuk dlm bejalan dlm this one girls gp tu la..

then i thought i can go on orait by that!

but...........

this really humiliated me for a lifetime

there come a voice

eh...dentist....pew.....dentist.......dentist.....

everybody just look at me like a freak!

i have enough...

i speed up!

the calls continue

i reallllllllllyyyyyyyyyy hate that boy

really!

whoever you are

i don't know and i don't care!

but don't you care to come in front of me!!!!!

you really broke my heart!

this is the first time this thing, which i fear the most,

which is the reason i keep distant from boys

which is also the reason i avoid talking to boys

which is also the reason i wear big2 hijab

which is the reason i covert my aurat

which is also the reason i lower my gaze

which is also the reason for my crying now........

i have commited a sinful sin now

i have attracted man to focus on me

i have not succedded to be a good muslimah

i have done evil2222 thing to my Allah

i feel really shameful now!!!!

Ya Allah

ak x fhm kenapa dorg still nk tgk pompuan

specifically ak!

I AM NOT A PRINCESSLY GOOD LOOKING

why!!!!!!!

ak x layan dorg pun

sumpah!!

ak x ckp ngan dorg

x tgk pun muka dorg

x penah2 ak tenung mata dorg lagi!!

u the catcall boy!

ak thu time tu ak sorang je firstie dentist wat jln kat area tu

memg silap ae ak pilh naek tgkat tujuh tadi...

ak memg benci ko

sapa2 pun la!

wat catcall tdi

u hurt my pride

u hurt my feeling

u make me crying

u make me feel shameful

when i just finish a prayer

i make

now i feel very shameful to Allah!!!!!!!

this is the first time i ever feel this humiliated!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ei catcall boy!!!!!!!

i really dun want to see ur face!

i really hate you for making catcall

that make very head turn to my direction!

now i suggest u pray for ur safety

everythiing has a payment

whether by cheque, cash or by coins!

better watch out!

boys are stupid!!

throw rocks at them!!!

kita selalu disakiti kan??

korang...x pe kan kalau kita maaf je orang tu walau dia bt kita sakit sgt2..

korang habiskan bejam bt something for your both benefit tp dia mcm tolak mentah2 je keje korang..

x pe ke kalau kita just forgive and forget dia??

x pe ke kalau kita nangis skjp then kita trik nafas...and that's it!

x pe ke kalau kita menjerit memaki hamun dia dlm hati dalam 2 minit je sbb kita dah guna ms studi kita utk siapkan part keje kita wat kita dah decide, then dia kata kita guna cara baru..totally idea dia.

x pe ke kalau kita rs menyampah gile kat dia

x pe ke kalau kita rs mcm nk tengking je dia blik time dia tengking kita time kita give out opinion as a team mate

x pe ke kalau kita rs nk give up je keje ni bab dia dah mcm bossy gile, mcm wat keje sorang2, dah x perlu kita dah

x pe ke kalau kita ignore je order dia suh bt apa wat dia nk

x pe ke??...x pe ke??!!!...X PE KE????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

korang..ak rs amat penat and rs nk give up...

but chill je la wei... ak rs stakat ak mampu endure this ituation ak akn endure slgi boleh

ak x kata ak tabah tp tis situation...ak kena face jugak kan??!

kita x leh lari...kita kn brani...!!

psl dia...well let's see how it's going ok?

hm...so ak decide.. ak akan endure and follow je la ape dia ckp... kalau ak x leh sabar nnt..x pe kot..Allah slalu ngan ak..so..kalau ak ada masalah nnt..insyaAllah, Allah akan tolong... :')