light the candle for me

ya Allah...this feeling is so beautiful...

yesterday waas my birthday

yet

i think i feel happy and blessed and touched till the morning of the day after

for one thing

i didn't received many wishes

only from the people that's really closed to me

and their reminds of my day were enough for me

from my mother

she told me that she had reminded that this 25/10 was my birthday

and she had reminded herself to give me text on the day
many days before yesterday

like the many years before

and i was so touched 

from my father

he wishes me "Happy Birthday"

haha

he is a tough guy

and funny and soft

and i think i was so shocked to hear those words

this is the first time....

for i couldn't recall him telling me any birthday wishes before

and he asked me if i have had any cakes

hahaha

from my little brother

he was working and sleeping

when i called him

then sleepily he told me happy birthday

and i expect  him to forget about it hours later

when he's at home

but then,

he later, posted on my wall

the birthday wish

my classmate and those very closed friends of mine

sang me happy birthday song in lecture hall

i have been an anti-sosial recluse
not so closed to people

and i knew the feeling of being ignored 

and having only few(1 or 2) closed friends

but

here, 

i got 9 closed friends

soooooooooo mannnnyyyyyy

and Alyaa was the first to wish me happy birthday

and so funny when they debated among themselves of my birthday dates...

haha

it was okay

unforgivable

and the last ones.....

were my 2 really closed friends at school

one is in Cardiff now

u know, i got 2 simcard

one for celcom, another for maxis

when she called me

i was using my celcom no to call my father

and yeah, soon after i changed the simcard

i received a message

and it stated that a +6044.........

had tried to call me 4 times...

means 4 miscalls la kan...

and then i guessed she had class after it

(it was 9 pm,Malaysia, for Cardiff,3 pm)

that only later, she posted a birthday wish

on my fb wall

the another closed friend is the one, currently at Uitm Puncak Alam

i was so happy to receive her wish

and we had been re-in-touch after years, recently

in the old school, we both were the most unpopular kids there

sitting in class with all the big2 prefects, debaters, teachers pets

made us so tiny

but i thought we supported each other that time

and that's enough for me,

and they both are currently furthering pharmacy

hm... this is the closing day for my 1st 20th day of my life

but all i can conclude is that 

this birthday proved to me that

i can be happy and thankful with what i have

i don't need plenty wishes

and then i forget who tell me the wishes

but i only need those wishes from people i concern the most

 and i know they concern about me the same way around

and yet

the classes, yesterday was until 5 pm

and i had my presentation with a friend about a research report

(that's rare....i used to avoid social attention, u know.. and i DID presentation yesterday....oh..yeah..)

for my wishes...

1. i wish i meet him(my future hubby), next year,on my birthday...

which i hadn't meet yesterday...it's ok

2. i wish to have happy graduation day this 2015, insyaAllah

3. i wish i loss some kg

4. i wish for my parents and grandmas to have longevity that they can be

both at my graduation and wedding days

5. i wish to eat cake on my birthday and out enjoy myself, next years, on my birthdays

(it's ok, my friend gave me chocolate with a strawberry shape, yesterday...a good replacement....homemade, yummy one)

that's all i think

and last,

this birthday gave me only one word

SPECIAL

i will be 20 in 5 days....

before 

i made a small wish in my heart....

"i wish to meet my future husband on my birthday 

when i turn 20,insyaAllah..."

but now i know deep in my heart

the wish somehow is a mistake

somehow i know that i shouldn't have made the wish

it's never become a truth!

nothing will happen on my birthday!

NOTHING!!

why??

because

the people i was, is, used to waiting for

will always never know my presence

and they always look passed me

how i know this??

because i always hope for wrong people

and 

i learn A LOT from them

and now...

i know.....

on my birthday

i will repeat the same routines that i do everyday

wear the same baju kurung

same shoes

same class

same nasi

same lauk

same nescafe(.....erk! i can't laeve my coffee)

same umbrella

same routes

same same same same

!!!!!!!!!

it's not that i am not 

thankful with everything i have for now ( i don't want to be like Shrek in Shrek forever after)

but i wish

i have something different 

since i'm turning 20

however....

where's the big deal??

20 is just a number

same as 19, 18, 17,16

all is the same.

last..

i hope i meet my train friend again

it's been a long time since we last and first meet together

insyaAllah....

stress and my way

too many to chase, too many to have, too many to become.........huh..........

sometimes i do asked myself.... am i really become what i want to be like??? am i satisfied with everything i did up to now?? am i REALLY happy with myself...........??

the truth is....           I'M TIRED.

repeatedly do the same things everyday...take the same route, eat the same nasi and lauk, drink the same coffee..??(man...i can't leave my coffee alone)

and yes.... this post is about how i was and am stress with my situations and how i handle it.

i was so stress one day and i was battling with myself about my future.
that day, when i called my mother to ask her if she really has blessed me when i decided to take dentistry, she, at first questioned me why i didn't take teaching course like she did and become a teacher like her. and then, when i was nearly at tears, she said that she bless me with whatever i do... the way she said it as if, she had made up her mind to let me be independent and opened up a way for me to breath on my own, and to slowly let go of her tight grisp on me.. thank you, MOK. and now, i did feeling like a little breather.

see...??
for me, when i was stress at the time, i really feel like talking and wanting to clearly solve it. ASAP!
and yes! talking with the very people we have the "unsettle things" with, would really helpful..
ah..yes...i talked with my brother as well. he is not new to my course field, and i thought, maybe he can give me couple of advices....HOWEVER! this is MY advice....
1. avoid talking with oldest BRO that you know, deep in his heart, take little care of you.
2. his only piece of advice he can give you is, quit it, and get married! DAMN!!(as if he is a married man himself)

but all problems begin with our inconsistence and imbalance in life, right..??.everything must live in harmony and homeostasis.hence, it is best, to detect the problems early and solve it quickly....somehow, the problems is within us, and the solutions may also be within us as well.

p/s: good luck to my sister for her coming career as the junior engineer. wish you the best for the work!

Kehidupan Dan Cinta | iluvislam.com + discover the beauty of islam

Kehidupan Dan Cinta | iluvislam.com + discover the beauty of islam