a little update bout those arond me YEAR 3, 1 SEM

assalamualaikum!

okep, though not many people view my page

not many knows about it ( i really doubt it that anyone in my batch knows about it, ~,~)

so! now i am going to write somethng about what have been around for...... er.... starting of the Sem 1???

well i am having partnership with Alyaa Syazana, the MPP of the Fac. Dentistry UiTM.

so! she's a really busy girl. should have expected that she missed out a lot during the class, and everything!

and i am with my mentor mentee group.

we are so close now that i am afraid that my true color of being "manja" will leak out~~~!!! my my.......~~~

you know, we have to move together as a team, and as classmates. being together for about 2-3 mnths now, really teach me their colors, behaviours, and everything.. sometimes, i was so devastated by them that i bear not looking at their faces at all! yes... and sometimes, i feel like they are so lovely that i want to hold their hands,stroke their hairs, sing them lullaby...(huahuahua. ^o^....... so dramatic)

yeah, but it's true.

every thursday, we will go to Hosp. Sg Buloh or Hosp Selayang 

for the medical attachment

u see, once a week class, really put us through lots and lots of pressure

in terms of gaining informal knowledge, surviving on our own in the huge medical institution,  getting annoyed or scolded by any medical officers, specialist, or anything....

we pave our way ourselves. the lectures only covers few topics

but u see, the hospitals got huge collections of diseases, even the minor2 cases ones.

in the library, and are having discussion about the case Alyaa(red shirt) will be presenting to the cardiologist

me?? not in the photo lah.

i took this picture that day.

hence, we made our way ourselves.

learn about the diseases, ourselves!

with not-to-be-so-proud-of knowledge of basic sciences during Year 1 and Year 2, 

with head full of patients' numbers to call for appointments the next days,

we struggle to learn the medical part, ourselves!

but yes.... there are specialist to guide us, only during the bed-side teaching

somemore......

i have manage to do proper scaling.... ^-^' 

when everyone had start-off with proper restoration already..

haha..

at least, i have opened 3 cases but not proceed treatment yet..

haha (what have i done~!~!~! why am i so slow....~~~)

i have done periodontal charting

with my own classmate in secondary school.

now, i am afraid if he is having crush on me! (NO~~~~~~~~~!!!!!!!) *O*

stop texting me........for no reasons.....

as of my love story

nothing much about it.

i have signed up for Baitul Muslim (MUSLIM FAMILY) for marriage proposal

u know, sort of match-making proposal, under my usrah.

ah. now i am following usrah,

in order to learn more about Islam, and to embrace it even more

to be a better MUSLIMah!

AMIN!!!

and last 2 day, my friend(sort of close one) suggest me a man, that is her fiance's housemate.

she said that this man already plan to get married by next year and 

now working as airplane maintainer at KLIA for Malaysia Airlines.

he is 1-year older than me, and a plain Malay man. 

he has sweet smile, and dark skin. 

enough.

but still,

for me, a marriage at early age, when we are not FULLY ready for it 

will only produce a disastrous marriage.

but why??? can't we try...???

we can try, of course, but don't we all hope for a long lasting marriage? with the one that 

we can hold on with, love with, take care of.

so my answer is, "maybe he will meet someone better than me" 

:)

you. GOOD LUCK. 

my 3rd year as the dental student

Assalamualaikum!

has been quite a while since the last time i post anything on this page of mine.

okeh!let's get to business.

i have started the INTRO. TO CLINIC or ITC

-which is COMPULSORY for dental students before starting the clinical years, before seeing the patients, before this and before that-

last 27/8/2012.

which is also the 8th Syawal 1433H.

so that's saying that we gonna spend our next two weeks of Hari Raya or Eid Mubarak in lectures, demo classes, labs, white coats, gloves, green gowns, mirrors, probes, e-set trays, stock tray, scaling...

you name it!

but despite all

what i really want to write here is that i have my FIRST patient last Wednesday that is 29/8/2012

which is also, of course, my own batch mate!

i was REAAAAALLYYY shaking! 

i was to do the screening of her teeth conditions, record any caries or plaque-if there's any-

and then suddenly when i was softly enjoy the moments

the probe catch on something and the gum start bleeding. 

i mean BLEEDING!

i was like

'OH! what SHOULD i doooo???!!!'

my hand was shaking but i quickly reached for the sterile gauze and cotton wool

and wiped the blood.

lucky me!Alhamdulillah! the blood stopped bleeding and everything became normal again.

but 

i know i was not.

when i was to continue the works

my hands still shaking and i couldn't really properly works after that.

well, not everything is perfect for the first trial.

even Albert Einstein can't make the bulb in one day stand

Mahatma Gandhi can't reach the democracy for India in one day

Dr Sun Yat Sen can't change China in one day

hence

people can't change in one day

at least, i can't

but give me time

i'll try my best

and 

let the time heals everything

also 

i don't know why

what's happening

because for me

one week through ITC

it was like a new world has reached me and i am forced into it

for example, Asian eats rice, suddenly the rice is gone, instead it grows in west world 

the Asian is forced to take wheat and apple for lunch and breakfast.

hm...

pretty hard to adapt eh?

haha...lame example. 

what i mean above is like

all of this time i have been dreaming in my own world

my own colours

my own sky

my own trees

my own birds

all those sort of things.

hence, during the 1st week of ITC, 

i watch new things 

new skills

new people

new skies

and new scenarios

some, i could say, easy for me to adapt

some, need a lot of efforts to pull things together.

and there's one time i was so blurred what to do

i become numb.

i could say that was my first numbness i feel in my heart all my life.

even when my brother who always teased me, almost like everyday, saying 

"you're stupid or student? no....you are stupid, not a student"

i was okay with that

because in some way he was right

in another way......aaaarrrrrgggghhhhhhhhhh!!!

of many years i think i live in this lovely world

that new experience 

i think i managed to see on both views.

i was numb but i don't know how to manage it

because i learn through my eyes and my ears

and i just not getting the learning yet during that time

so i was numb.

and i fled.

because when i don't know the answer to anything, i fled.

like nothing happen, i pretend.

but to be pretentious, it was tiring.

but i don't know how to manage

hence, 

i was stuck.

i am really sorry.

i was really stupid.

but like i said,

that was my first experience

and i am not familiar with it, so i don't really know what to do.

hence what i did what like whining

to my best friend-which is so busy poking a GOAT, at the time i phoned her-

and to my best buddy-my Mom-

during those time,i turned to my Creator, asking help 

at least, i feel calm and soothe

and still manage to smile.

Alhamdulillah.

exam is around the clock

still got many to cover

the events are millions and 

we have to keep up with each one of them

haha

imagine!

and my classmate and i will perform a acapella song for this coming national symposium dental event

this June

and

i am playing ketuk- ketuk baldi

haha!

Rejab is here

insyaAllah, i want to start fasting 

fast with me k!

i am 20 years old

yet i never experience love

used to have someone that was around when i was in trouble

but i could not open the heart for him

now i pray for his happiness with his woman of choice

insyaAllah

will be the best woman for him

i don't want to be like Dena

marry at such young age

but i want to be a mature, charismatic woman

that is successful in her career and life as a woman, wife, mother and 

muslimah.

people ask me this day

why i don't wear purdah?

i was hesitate to answer

i need strength to do that ya Allah

give me the strength

but yet i am not a good girl that passionately

go to mosque everyday

do usrah and everything

i am just a typical girl, really

but i wear big2 hijab to cover my hair and chest 

like what have been instructed to me by Allah

i don't want to disobey Allah

i am afraid to do so since Allah is the very reason i live today

i have everything because of Him

thank you Allah

i love Allah and Muhammad SAW.

<3 <3 <3

some stories

it is 5 minutes before the-day-i-turned-21-in-Hijri-calendar

pass by...

it is Friday 17 Raby` al-THaany 1412 A.H.

some 21 years ago 

the same friday as it was today

i was born...

somehow today my day today is sort of unique 

maybe

i really realized today that i was sort of closed-container people

i will not let anyone get around me

it was hard for me to open up to people

and what's more

i hate it, really 

when people mistreat me

when take me wrongly

when they tell sorts of stories about me

i am thankful sometimes that i hear none of the stories about me

not that i don't care

i want to know nothing about those 

so that i still have my good expressions of them like i used to have

and i want to keep it that way

i know now that i am someone 

people say

'world of her own'

and really i create

a small greenery world of my own

when things got hard on me and i want to continue to smile

head up, walk on and laugh happily

as if nothing is wrong with me

if i want to start crying now and moaning about everything 

i reallly will not know 

when will i stop

how can i stop crying

and yeah

i will try to pull myself together and get better

insyaAllah

Islam then teaches me the right way to channel my

anger 
frustration

sadness

joyness

emptiness

that people sometimes find annoying

that i have no one to share them with

the book of Motivasi Menjadi Wanita Paling Bahagia by Dr 'Aidh Abdullah Al-Qarni

really help me a lot

and i have my prayers

my zikir and my Quran 
i really do become happy that way

like today

i did a mistake and my friends seemed really pissed off with me for that

and my works at the simulation lab seemed got struck

and i really don't wanna cry about those

then i set myself loose and ponder myself with cakes,cookies,kebab,mango juices

and many more

while listening to the zikir along the way to the town

zikir to ease off unhappiness

i find myself again swinging off my tiny shopping bag in my left hand and 

shockingly i was myself happy when i set foot 

to the rehearsal for the event of my faculty tomorrow 

i watched the hilarious Jozan at Maharaja Lawak in my ipod video and

i laughed a lot about that

hahahahahaha

p:s> laugh like him ok! 

Thai movie 1

just finished

The Crazy Little Thing Called Love,  (สิ่งเล็กๆที่เรียกว่ารัก)

another Thai movie, obviously

what can i say

if you wanna laugh at little2 things, 

funny yet CUTE!

go for this movie

you will not regret it!

it is about a teenage school girl

in love with her senior and 

is doing her best to make him recognize her

in cute way, of course

this movie is not the girly-go-cheesy love relationship

this movie tells about not-so-beautiful girl like most of us (....me, maybe)

can fall in love and strive for it

but in this movie, it is the school scenario

hah....i have missed mine....

but this thing about her 

is that she does her best about her looks

her exams

her social club

that capture my heart when i watch the movie

i really recommend this movie!

5 stars for this movie!

p/s: go for this link... crazy-little-thing-called-love 

^^

story of my break-time sem

hm

i would say 

this sem break is the most laziest break i ever have gone through

i only managed to go sight-seeing to only 2-3 places so far

oh! i took few pictures when i go to Pasir Mas Pasar Besar (sort of big market....)

full of many things, really!

and i really enjoyed my day 

walking, strolling the market

and taking pictures here and there

haha

and to cover my 'kejakunan' of my own Kelantan's attraction

i went saying that these pictures are for my work

and you know, the first thing i bought when i got there

is a ring!

a cheap one, with cute carves of leaves and flowers here and there

 for RM3.

haha....

yeah as a sign for people to not flirt with me

but i thought i must have been stood out

that when i walked around

people kept looking at me

staring, i meant.

i am curious, why they did that?

when i think back, 

maybe i should not wear the black cardigan with black scarft and black bagpack

in a sunny working Tuesday

hahahaha...

what a mistake!

and also i went to KB Mall

but it was for buying some books with the book cash-tickets

Malaysia's government generously gives to each of us students

worth RM 200

i found the book of Rasul Mulia, Umat Mulia, Akhlak Mulia by Telaga Biru Publications!

after a long search...

ok.let's stop here. 

i had few photos to stick here but the usb cabel of my camera

sort of went missing

so there will be none until then.

p/s: the drama i re-watched during the break.

i recommended you all watch Lovers in Paris, a good Cinderella story

but please avoid Full House...that kdrama is ok for few episodes but it become sort of lame when it approaches the ending.... the 2nd hero don't play much roles and spend little time with heroin,
but he said he likes her and wants her to like him??..hah?who will believe that,how he likes her when they only see each other for only couple of time?? hahahaha
 but i like the after-marriage relationship it demonstrates in the drama.and that really make me hooked in the first few episodes of it.

then

i watched Akai Ito.
one of my fav drama so far.

so touching 

and actually i learn about

 'if-you-love-someone-it-doesn't-mean-you-have-to-be-with-that-someone

for mutual happiness

for sometimes you have to be far away from them to keep them at ease and happy

for sometimes our presence bring miserables to their lives'

yeah....

i learned about it there. from Akai Ito, a jdrama and also from Lovers in Paris, a kdrama.

and also i watched Coffee Prince, a kdrama.

a common drama nowadays,

since many productions have made this girl-turn-into-boy sort of drama,

then fall in love with the hero

the hero becomes a headaches

whether to love a man, 

then decide to become their dongsaeng

the truth come out

further heache.

huh....

but this drama is not so much about the status-diifferent the kdaram ALWAYS stress on

i say, how many people is a millionaires 

so why make drama for them? I AM CURIOUS

why can't make the drama about middle-class people

like the indonesia film, LASKAR PELANGI

or maybe jdrama NOBUTA wo PRODUCE

i really love these!!

haha...just a piece of my mind.

peace!

the links of the photos is on the pictures k!

old things, new to me

it has been awhile since i last wrote any post.

ya Allah, 

i could say no more

it have been 4 days since i started the final semester exams

and i feel rather sick right now

unexplained dizziness

tiredness

headache

nausea

and sometimes feel like vomiting...

but only saliva comes out....

luckily

imagine

i have to do studying but sometime this lightheaded comes in the way

and that'it!

i feel like losing my concentration and i could not push myself anymore

but sleeping sometime solve the problems, sometimes worsen it!

i asked my brother about it and Google it up sometime when the

'I-Could-Not-Stand-This-Anymore' feeling

comes up

these are new to me

and i think this might be due to migraine or something related

i guess so....

hence

i am feeling rather sorry to the friends of mine 

that may feel irritated when i declined their invitations to Seoul Garden Restaurant

for post-exam celebration

i am sorry...

but i really don't feel like going out 

and meeting people

most of the days
this few weeks

i really feel like wanna shut my mouth up 

and lock my self up in the room.

not that i hate meeting people

but sometime

meeting them, talking with them

invite over the lightheaded things again

and i really wanna avoid it...

hm.

since the exam is over today,

and we have one-week holiday

i wanna escape

i wanna board train and enjoy the night.

let it be the little things that can help me forget 

about problems i have

yeah, living here teach me the word

ESCAPISM.

the world is moving fast

there have been lots of changes

these few days

yeah....new year is here...

the school is gonna opened 

the sem is gonna end soon

and yeah...the final exam...

will be around these few days...

but what i really wanna take the point out here

is not about any of those really

but it is more to the paradigms changes i think Malaysians are moving to

specifically MUSLIMS MALAYS(MM)

i am 20 years old

ans i think is old enough to give out opinion

and in my opinions

many of my friends

which during their teens days are all the bad bad people

turn out good these few years around

i am quite observant and there are few people i have 

observed, quite closely and secretly

showed me some positive changes

they become more humble than before and their attitudes

MasyaAllah ^^

i really fond of them now

and i really pray for them to be istiqomah in what they are doing

some that i observed

already wear purdah...

which i couldn't find the courage in wearing it

i really don't know why

but truthfully

last year, my heart did urges me to do so

but somehow... 

i still not wear the purdah up to this day

another that i observed

already covered their hair and aurat nicely

and completely

Alhamdulillah....

i will always pray for them

they fought bravely in doing so

i am so proud of you

REALLY

hidayah(THE LIGHT) is from Allah SWT

for you to follow His Guidance

and really, you will find no imperfections in His Guidance

some really have started considered Islam in their lives

yeah....life without religion is like the world without the air

really

human are born to embrace religion, specifically ISLAM

people may say lots of things like

when you have religion you can't enjoy the lives

you can't date girls

you can't do crazy crazy things

which are WRONG!!!

in fact having Islam in my live really teach me to be a better person

which enjoy live in more enjoyable beneficial ways

and i really feel fortunate and happy

because when i am sad or happy or under pressure or scare etc etc etc...

i always have Allah with me

insyaAllah ^^

and i know that what i am doing is observed closely by HIM

and i was protected by HIM

i feel immediately in love and the love is so pure i can't say how

indeed i am no ulamak or student that study Syariah, Al-Quran and Hadis at school

but as time moving 

the need of religion grows in me 

and that time i was school-transfered to a boarding school

there, i learnt as much as i want about Islam

and now insyaAllah i am proud to say that

 i am proud to be a MUSLIMAH

and i really want to see people around me embracing Islam

because once you do that you may notice that you get all the things you need

calmness, soothe, energy, all...
and you may see that there are good changes Islam brings to you
you may have better view of life
and your life quality is actually improved!
Islam teaches you to be a good person which do good deeds

hm... i wanna say no more
but i will pray that

we will all be in Allah's Love and Barakah
insyaAllah

.....AMIN.....

picture source>http://my-allah.tumblr.com/post/6411995000/sifakir-say-alhamdulillah-thank-you-allah-for

my last birthday present

that day

i received a book from my dearest friend

she is my friend since i was 10

and now i am 20

well yeah...

it has been 10 years we have seen each other

thank you, Da for the perfect present!

she gave me this

Motivasi Menjadi Wanita Paling Bahagia

by Dr 'Aidh Abdullah Al-Qarni

the book is AWESOME!!!

i really want to suggest it to any of the girls, woman, ladies

out there to reach out and read the book!

really!!

it will not be a waste, u know!

the book really teach me to think differently of the way i see the world

and the way i feel.

every words is based on concrete proofs from Al-Quran or quoted from al-Hadith itself

a blog about the book

http://pustakaiman.blogspot.com/2011/01/motivasi-menjadi-wanita-paling-bahagia.html

next time i will update more about the book

i still halfway through the book and can't wait to catch the final page!

that day

i received a book from my dearest friend

she is my friend since i was 10

and now i am 20

well yeah...

it has been 10 years we have seen each other

thank you, Da for the perfect present!

she gave me this

Motivasi Menjadi Wanita Paling Bahagia

by Dr 'Aidh Abdullah Al-Qarni

the book is AWESOME!!!

i really want to suggest it to any of the girls, woman, ladies

out there to each out and read the book!

really!!

it will not be a waste, u know!

the book really teach me to think differently of the way i see the world

and the way i feel.

every words is based on concrete proofs from Al-Quran or quoted from al-Hadith itself

a blog about the book

http://pustakaiman.blogspot.com/2011/01/motivasi-menjadi-wanita-paling-bahagia.html

next time i will update more about the book

i still halfway through the book and can't wait to catch the final page!

self pondering

i am pondering myself

curing myself

light-cured, self-cured

about several things during these few CRAZY-OUS weeks

seriously....

too much hectic, 

the tense is always in the air during the day

but the air will quickly dissolves when the sun sets..

unique, is it?

ok! let's get serious...

i am currently doing my first complete denture on the phantom head

my very first patient..tqvm!

i really don't wanna complain much about this

well, this is the bread and butter of mine in the future, right?

insyaAllah....

but what i really wanna talk about is about the story behind the "haruk pikuk kehidupan itu"

when i do the working and all the hand-skills polishing things

few things that i notice are

the true colours of people are flowing out from every corners, no matters how hard they try to cover those things 

i really do not say that the colours are not that nice

some are really nice and beautiful

but some....hm....not so nice that i tried to ignore and stay away from

when we do the works

actually we are simultaneouly practising our everyday-life-skills that we have

as for me, i am not someone that will hold firm my stand to others

enough if only me and HIM and few people know about it

i prefer not to win, if that will make others happy...

but these everyday-life-skills will eventually become our habits

and if the habits is to always take over others

to always look down on people

to always be the dictators one...

as time goes on...

i think we will self-develop into the Julius Caesar,Kim Jong Il,Mussolini...

or perhaps Hitler???

a reminder to me future self and people around me

we are not perfect...

the last perfect on Earth is our Last Prophet, NABI MUHAMMAD SAW

and we are not 100% pure

we are in fact, full of sins and dirt each days..

hence, 

let's give this a thought

look around us, we are surrounding by THINGS

not only human, 

there's also insects

birds

pencils

water

trees

clothes

air

bla bla bla...

hence, we are not alone

we have to adapt well with these things, these elements

we have to be in homeostatics environment with them!

imagine what will happen if water hate us..?

Water will stay reaaallll away from us

we will be reaaalllly dehydrated

and mind, human can only survive 3 days without water..

hence eventually, with only 3 days... we die....

people are unique in their own ways

each one is wayyy different from the others

hence, let's just be friends with everyone

stop look down on others

we are neither superior nor inferior to them

if they are the types of loves-to-win-in-everything

let them win, so that you can keep your relationship ok

and you are doing good job, you are keeping their heart healthy

athough yours a bit scratchy...it's ok... time heals everything

insyaAllah

stop be loudly comparative

competition is ok

but keep that in yourself only, please

mentioning about that will either psycho other people

or maybe you, yourself become a psycho

due to the answers you receive is a mere nodding

that's why 

to estimate your working quality or the progressions

simply do a little, silent observations on others

without them knowing

this is safer, and will keep your heart healthier

insyaAllah

HENCE!!!

let's give these few things a thought, ATHIRAH AZIZ!!!!

it is not a waste to use your brain sometimes...haha

hm!

time to sleep !

Assalamualaikum!

photo source>>http://nazarekalhor.blogspot.com/2011_04_17_archive.html

Syeikh Ahmad Izzah Al-Andalusi and Adolf Ruberto

Suatu petang, di Penjara tempat tahanan orang-orang di situ terasa hening mencengkam. Jeneral Adolf Roberto, penguasa penjara yang terkenal bengis, sedang memeriksa setiap kamar tahanan.

Apabila beliau melalui setiap sel, kesemua banduan penjara terus membongkokkan badan mereka serendah-rendahnya ketika penguasa penjara itu melintasi di hadapan mereka. Kerana kalau tidak, sepatu boot keras milik tuan Roberto itu akan mendarat di wajah mereka. Ketika melalui satu sel telinga Roberto terdengar suara seseorang sedang mengalunkan ayat-ayat yang amat ia benci apabila mendengarnya “Hai orang tua bodoh… hentikan bacaanmu itu yang sungguh menjengkelkan.. Hentikan… !” Teriak Roberto sekeras-kerasnya sambil membelalakkan mata. Namun apa yang terjadi? Lelaki dikamar tahanan tadi tetap saja bersenandung dengan khusyuknya.

Roberto bertambah berang. Pemimpin penjara itu menghampiri kamar tahanan yang luasnya tak lebih sekadar cukup untuk seorang. Dengan marah ia menyemburkan ludahnya ke wajah tua sang tahanan yang kelihatan sangat kurus kering dan kulit yang berkedut sehingga menampakkan rangka tulang dibadannya. Tak puas sampai di situ, ia lalu menyucuh wajah dan seluruh badan orang tua itu dengan rokoknya yang menyala. Sungguh ajaib… Tak terdengar secuit pun keluh kesakitan. Bibir yang pucat kering milik sang tahanan terus melaungkan kata Ya Rabbi, wa ana abduka… Tahanan lain yang menyaksikan kebiadaban itu serentak bertakbir sambil berkata, “Bersabarlah wahai ustaz… InsyaAllah tempatmu di Syurga.”

Melihat kegigihan orang tua yang dipanggil ustaz oleh sesama tahanan, penguasa penjara itu bertambah memuncak marahnya. Ia memerintahkan pegawai penjara untuk membuka sel, dan ditariknya tubuh orang tua itu keras-kerasnya sehingga terjerembab di lantai. “Hai orang tua busuk! Bukankah engkau tahu, aku tidak suka bahasa hinamu itu?! Aku tidak suka apa-apa yang berhubung dengan agamamu! Ketahuilah orang tua dungu, bumi Sepanyol ini kini telah berada dalam kekuasaan bapa kami, Tuhan *** Anda telah membuat aku benci dan geram dengan suara-suara yang seharusnya tidak didengari lagi di sini. Sebagai balasannya engkau akan kubunuh. Kecuali, kalau engkau mahu minta maaf dan masuk agama kami.” Mendengar “khutbah” itu orang tua itu mendongakkan kepala, menatap Roberto dengan tatapan yang tajam dan dingin. Ia lalu berucap,

“Sungguh… aku sangat merindukan kematian, agar aku segera dapat menjumpai kekasihku yang amat kucintai, iaitu Allah. Bila kini aku berada di puncak kebahagiaan karena akan segera menemuiNya, patutkah aku berlutut kepadamu, hai manusia yang terkutuk? Jika aku turuti kemahuanmu, tentu aku termasuk manusia yang amat bodoh.”

Sejurus sahaja kata-kata itu terhenti, sepatu milik Roberto terus mendarat di wajah lelaki tua itu. Tendangan sepatu yang kuat kemuka lelaki tua itu menyebabkan beliau terhuyung hayang. Kemudian jatuh terkapar di lantai penjara dengan wajah berlumuran darah. Ketika itulah dari saku baju penjaranya yang telah lusuh, meluncur sebuah buku kecil. Adolf Roberto terus memungutnya. Namun tangan sang Ustaz telah terlebih dahulu mengambil dan menggenggamnya erat-erat. “Berikan buku itu, hai lelaki tua yang bodoh !” bentak Roberto. “Haram bagi tanganmu yang kafir dan berlumuran dosa untuk menyentuh barang suci ini!”ucap sang ustaz dengan tatapan menghina pada Roberto. Tak ada jalan lain, akhirnya Roberto mengambil jalan paksa untuk mendapatkan buku itu. Sepatu boot seberat dua kilogram itu terus menginjak jari-jari tangan sang ustaz yang telah lemah. Suara gemeretak tulang yang patah terdengar menggetarkan hati.

Namun tidak demikian bagi Roberto. Laki-laki bengis itu malah merasa bangga mendengar gemeretak tulang yang terputus. Bahkan penguasa penjara itu merasa lebih puas lagi ketika melihat titisan darah mengalir dari jari-jari musuhnya yang telah hancur. Setelah tangan tua itu tidak lagi berdaya diangkat, Roberto memungut buku kecil yang membuatnya baran. Perlahan Roberto membuka sampul buku yang telah lusuh. Beliau seakan terpaku melihat buku dan termenung seketika seperti memikirkan sesuatu. “Ah… seperti aku pernah mengenal buku ini. Tetapi bila? Ya, aku pernah mengenal buku ini.”

Suara hati Roberto bertanya-tanya. Perlahan Roberto membuka lembaran pertama itu. Pemuda berumur tiga puluh tahun itu bertambah terkejut tatkala melihat tulisan-tulisan “aneh” dalam buku itu. Rasanya ia pernah mengenal tulisan seperti itu dahulu. Namun, sekarang tak pernah dilihatnya di bumi Sepanyol. Akhirnya Roberto duduk di samping sang ustaz yang sedang melepaskan nafas-nafas terakhirnya. Wajah bengis pemuda kejam itu kini diliputi tanda tanya yang dalam. Mata Roberto rapat terpejam. Ia berusaha keras mengingat peristiwa yang dialaminya sewaktu masih kanak-kanak.

Perlahan, sketsa masa lalu itu tergambar kembali dalam ingatan Roberto. Pemuda itu teringat ketika suatu petang di masa kanak-kanaknya terjadi kekecohan besar di negeri tempat kelahirannya ini. Petang itu ia melihat peristiwa yang mengerikan di tempat para tawanan menjalani hukuman (tempat penyiksaan kaum muslimin di Andalusia). Di tempat itu tengah berlangsung pesta darah dan nyawa. Beribu-ribu jiwa tak berdosa gugur di bumi Andalusia. Di hujung kiri kawasan penyiksaan tersebut, beberapa puluh wanita berhijab (jilbab) digantung pada tiang-tiang besi yang terpancang tinggi. Tubuh mereka yang mati tergantung terbuai-buai ditiup angin petang yang kencang, membuat pakaian muslimah yang dikenakan berkibar-kibar di udara.

Sementara, di kawasan tengah, ratusan pemuda Islam dibakar hidup-hidup pada tiang-tiang, hanya karena tidak mahu memasuki agama yang dibawa oleh para penceroboh. Seorang kanak- kanak laki-laki comel dan tampan, berumur sekitar tujuh tahun, malam itu masih berdiri tegak di kawasan hukuman telah senyap. Korban-korban kebiadaban itu telah syahid semua. Kanak kanak comel itu melimpahkan airmatanya menatap sang ibu yang terkulai lemah di tiang gantungan. Perlahan-lahan kanak - kanak itu mendekati tubuh sang ummi yang tak sudah bernyawa, sambil menarik-narik pakaian yang dipakai oleh sang ummi. Sang anak itu berkata dengan suara parau, “Ummi, ummi, mari kita pulang. Hari telah malam. Bukankah ummi telah berjanji malam ini akan mengajariku lagi tentang alif, ba, ta, tsa… .? Ummi, cepat pulang ke rumah ummi… “

Budak kecil itu akhirnya menangis semakin kuat, ketika sang ummi tidak jua menyahut ucapannya. Ia semakin bingung dan takut, tak tahu apa yang harus dibuat . Untuk pulang ke rumah pun ia tak tahu arah. Akhirnya budak itu berteriak memanggil ayahnya, “Abi… Abi… Abi… ” Namun ia segera terhenti berteriak memanggil sang bapa ketika teringat petang kelmarin bapanya diseret dari rumah oleh beberapa orang berseragam. “Hai… siapa kamu?!” jerit segerombolan orang yang tiba-tiba mendekati budak tersebut. “Saya Ahmad Izzah, sedang menunggu Ummi… ” jawabnya memohon belas kasih. “Hah… siapa namamu budak, cuba ulangi!” bentak salah seorang dari mereka. “Saya Ahmad Izzah… ” dia kembali menjawab dengan agak kasar. Tiba-tiba “Plak! sebuah tamparan mendarat di pipi si kecil. “Hai budak… ! Wajahmu cantik tapi namamu hodoh. Aku benci namamu.

Sekarang kutukar namamu dengan nama yang lebih baik. Namamu sekarang Adolf Roberto… Awas! Jangan kau sebut lagi namamu yang buruk itu. Kalau kau sebut lagi nama lamamu itu, nanti akan kubunuh!” ancam laki-laki itu.” Tubuh budak itu mengigil ketakutan sambil berjuraian airmatanya kerana terlalu sedih kerana diperlakukan sebegitu.

Dia hanya menurut ketika gerombolan itu membawanya keluar dari kawasan tempat penyiksaan tawanan Akhirnya budak yang comel itu hidup bersama mereka. Tiba-tiba vRoberto tersedar dari menungannya yang panjang. Pemuda itu melompat ke arah sang tahanan. Secepat kilat dirobeknya baju penjara yang melekat pada tubuh sang ustaz. Ia mencari-cari sesuatu di pusat laki-laki itu. Ketika ia menemukan sebuah tanda hitam ia berteriak histeria, “Abi… Abi… Abi… ” Ia pun menangis keras, tak ubahnya seperti Ahmad Izzah dulu. Fikirannya terus bergelut dengan masa lalunya. Ia masih ingat betul, bahwa buku kecil yang ada di dalam genggamannya adalah Kitab Suci milik bapanya, yang dulu sering dibawa dan dibaca ayahnya ketika hendak menidurkannya. Ia jua ingat betul ayahnya mempunyai tanda hitam pada bahagian pusat.

Pemuda bengis itu terus meraung dan memeluk erat tubuh tua nan lemah. Tampak sekali ada penyesalan yang amat dalam atas tingkah-lakunya selama ini. Lidahnya yang sudah berpuluh-puluh tahun lupa akan Islam, saat itu dengan spontan menyebut, “Abi… aku masih ingat alif, ba, ta, tha… ” Hanya sebatas kata itu yang masih terakam dalam benaknya.

Sang ustaz segera membuka mata ketika merasakan ada titisan hangat yang membasahi wajahnya. Dengan tatapan samar dia masih dapat melihat seseorang yang tadi menyeksanya habis-habisan kini sedang memeluknya. “Tunjuki aku pada jalan yang telah engkau tempuhi Abi, tunjukkan aku pada jalan itu… ” Terdengar suara Roberto meraung sambil memeluk erat bapanya.

Sang ustaz yang telah uzur itu terpaksa menghela nafasnya berkali-kali sebelum dapat berkata-kata, lalu memejamkan matanya. Air matanya pun turut berlinang. Betapa tidak, jika setelah puluhan tahun, ternyata ia masih sempat berjumpa dengan buah hatinya, di tempat ini. Sungguh tak masuk akal. Ini semata-mata bukti kebesaran Allah.

Sang ayah dengan susah payah masih boleh berucap. “Anakku, pergilah engkau ke Mesir. Di sana banyak saudaramu. Katakan saja bahwa engkau kenal dengan Syaikh Abdullah Fattah Ismail Al-Andalusy. Belajarlah engkau di negeri itu,” Setelah selesai berpesan sang ustaz menghembuskan nafas terakhir dengan berbekal kalimah indah “Asyahadu anla IllaahailALlah, wa asyahadu anna Muhammad Rasullullah… . Beliau pergi dengan menemui Ar-Rabbnya dengan tersenyum, setelah sekian lama berjuang dibumi yang fana ini.

Kini Ahmah Izzah telah menjadi seorang alim di Mesir. Seluruh hidupnya dibaktikan untuk agamanya, Islam, sebagai ganti kekafiran yang di masa muda sempat disandangnya. Banyak pemuda Islam dari berbagai penjuru berguru dengannya… 

source: from the notes my friend write in the fb.

picture source>http://vacationinandalusia.blog-hotel.com/

this is my personal reminder

yeah...

this is my personal reminder

but somehow i feel like wanting to share it

1.There are five remedies of heart:

First, read the Quran and understand its meaning

Second, do the night prayer

Third, gather with pious people

Fourth, fast (literally: keep a hungry stomach) regularly

Fifth, do long zikir at night

people always have problems...

hence, if i feel like troubled with sorts of problems...

of friends, classes, exams....

i will rush for this remedies

and insyaAllah...

Allah itu MAHA MENDENGAR

He will listens, when others don't even want to listens to our story

and insyaAllah

we will feel ease at heart.

insyaAllah.

2.this one i got this morning from fb, ilmislam.com

...hm... :)

Aku sayang kamu dengan caraku tersendiri.

Jika mereka memilih untuk kerap bertemu, aku memilih untuk tidak bertemu.

Jika mereka memilih untuk kerap berhubungan, aku memilih untuk tidak berhubungan.

Jika mereka memilih untuk selalu saling mengingati, aku memilih untuk tidak mengingatimu.

Jika memilih untuk saling merindu, aku memilih untuk tidak merinduimu…

Kerana apa pilihanku berbeza dengan mereka???

Kerana engkau belum tentu menjadi milikku.

Aku lebih senang bertemu Pelindungku,

aku lebih suka berhubungan dengan Kekasihku dengan berdoa,

aku lebih suka mengingati Dia yang sering mengingati ku,

aku sayang kamu tapi aku lebih sayang Dia…

Terima kasih kerana memahami caraku. moga Allah redha dengan caraku ini :)

i love you in my own way

If they choose to meet regularly, I choose not to meet you.

If they choose to contact you frequently, I choose not to contact you.

If they choose to always remember each other, I choose not to remember you.

If they choose to miss each other, I choose not to miss you ...

why my choices are so differed from theirs?

because you are not certainly mine 

but i feel better when i am with HIM

i  love to be with HIM by prayers

i love to remember HIM more because HE always remembers me

i love you... but i love HIM more

thank you for your understanding of my way. may Allah bless me and my way.

"Ya ALLAH

jika dia benar untukku,

dekatkan hatinya dgn hatiku,

jika dia bukan milikku,

damaikanlah hatiku dgn

ketentuanMu...."

"YA ALLAH

if he is the one meant for me

make both of our hearts close together

but if he is not meant for me

make my heart feels peace with 

it.."

check this out 

beautiful nikah....